Teaching in international schools means that you could be moving school or even country every few years. This can be a very exciting prospect, but does come with its own challenges. Sonia Delestree suggests a few ways that you can keep in touch and maintain strong relationships with friends and colleagues you meet along the way.
As we enter the last few months of the academic school year, the buzz and excitement of learning is visible all around the school. Between the thematical units, class assemblies, field trips and overall fantastic learning and teaching, it is easy to forget that in a few months many families and teachers will be moving to another country, maybe even another continent. And new families and staff will in turn find a new community within our school, develop new friendships, and learn a new culture and language.
Whether they are staying or leaving, this can be a very difficult time in a child's life
All this moving around is unavoidable for expat families who travel the world for work. The teachers, children and their parents are used to it; they make friends, then move on and make new friends. Talk about adaptability and flexibility skills!
But what about the children left behind? The ones who attend an international school because their parents want the very best education for their children, but who live here permanently, and every year have to say goodbye to their friends and adapt to making new ones?
Those children left behind do not technically fit the criteria of a TCK, or 'third-culture kid'; a well-known term coined by Ruth Useem to describe children who were raised in a culture other than their parents' original culture, and identify as coming from a number of places.
"Because third-culture kids often belong to itinerant families, some grow up in a number of different places, and as a result often develop a scattering of contacts around the world." (https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/third-culture-kid)
Despite not being TCKs, the host country's local children who attend international schools can display a very similar range of emotional and identity traits. They have friends from all over the world, often speak two or more languages, understand, and respect all religions and cultures, and constantly have to adapt to a changing circle of friendships and teachers. It makes sense then, that they need all the same coping tools that our TCKs need.
Whether they are staying or leaving, this can be a very difficult time in a child's life. Saying goodbye to a close friend or group of friends can leave a child feeling vulnerable, abandoned, lonely, and isolated. They may be excited about some aspects of a move, but also very worried about what happens next.
If the pandemic has taught us anything, it is that true friendships and family ties can be kept from a safe distance
As adults, expatriates, or locals, we need to help our students and children navigate those emotions. Ask them how they feel about the upcoming changes, listen to them, and allow them to feel their feelings. We know they will eventually adapt and be ok, but it does take time.
It is so easy nowadays to stay in touch with anyone in the world, no matter where they move to. If regular trips aren't possible, video calls certainly always are. Even with a 10-hour time difference, arranging for your kids to play online with their old friends is doable. It takes a little thinking and working out time zone-wise, but it is absolutely feasible and the benefits of doing this can be long-lasting friendships that do not slowly falter over the years.
If the pandemic has taught us anything, it is that true friendships and family ties can be kept from a safe distance, and should be nurtured.
So my advice is this:
If you are an expatriate teacher or parent, keep in touch with the people you know you will miss; the ones who have been a big part of your life while you were there. Make plans to regularly catch up with a video call and a glass of wine!
If you are soon moving to another country with your children, make sure they get excited about their next adventure while still thinking of ways in which they'll stay in touch with their current friends. Talk to their friends' parents and make sure they support a long-distance friendship plan.
If you are a parent staying in your current country, but your children's friends are moving, treasure the next few months you have with them, organise lots of opportunities for them to meet up and strengthen their bond even more. Then stay in touch with their parents so your child keeps in touch and doesn't feel left behind.
And don't forget about another fantastic benefit to having friends all over the world; travel and holiday possibilities are endless!
Finally, if you are about to move and are feeling anxious about starting over somewhere new, remember you are not alone. Hundreds of us go through this process every year or two, and we can support each other by building connections and discussing strategies to make sure we maintain a healthy social life.
How about you? Over the years, were you able to keep some of those expatriate friendships and cultivate new ones with each move to a new country? I'd love to read about your experiences, so please share any tips and stories!
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